ajohnwoung的部落格

笑話


                                                                                                           
                                                                                                           
                                                                                                           
 1、夫妻約定把“上床”叫“上課”。                                                                             
   一日老婆發短信給老公：“今晚上課。”                                                                      
   老公回信：“有應酬，改自習！”老婆不悅。                                                                  
   次日老公說要上課，老婆回：“不必了，昨晚已請家教！”                                                      
                                                                                                           
                                                                                                           
                                                                                                           
 2、男子想跟妻子離婚，但又害怕傷害到三歲的女兒。                                                           
   於是哄著女兒說：“媽媽老了，不漂亮了，給你換一個媽媽好不好？”                                            
   女兒想了想，說：“才不呢！你媽那麼老，為什麼不換你媽！”                                                  
                                                                                                           
 3、甲：“老同學，好久不見了，你的女朋友小芳還好嗎？”                                                       
   乙：“哈哈，她早就不是我的女朋友了！”                                                                    
   甲：“早該這樣，大學時我就聽說她跟咱班好多男生有染！”                                                    
   乙:一臉色鐵青，半晌才低聲吐出幾個字：“她現在是我的老婆！”                                               
                                                                                                           
 4、兒子對他爸爸說：“我很喜歡對門的美女！”                                                                 
   老爸偷偷跟他說：“那是你同父異母的妹妹，只能做朋友。”                                                    
   兒子又說：“我也喜歡隔壁的女孩！”                                                                        
   爸爸又說：“那是你另一個同父異母的妹妹，千萬別對你媽說。”                                                
   兒子哭著對媽媽說了這些遭遇。                                                                            
   媽媽安慰兒子：“你喜歡誰就娶誰，你根本不是你爸的兒子！”                                                  
                                                                                                           
 5、男子相親，跟一MM(妹妹)在西餐廳裡相對而坐。                                                             
   在了解過雙方的工作、教育、家庭、愛好後，交談陷入困境。                                                  
   於是男子開始扯些社會話題。                                                                              
   男子問道：“你是如何看待房市的？”                                                                        
   MM愣了下，臉紅著說：“還是，還是不要過於頻繁比較好！”                                                    
                                                                                                           
 6、男子愛上一位美女，每次在遠處看到那美女時，都會很強烈的勃起！所以男子一直不敢約美女出來。               
   終於男子實在是忍不住了，打電話約美女出來，美女欣然答應了！                                              
   男子怕見面時失態，於是把自己的傢伙綁在了右腿上。  男子來到美女家門口，按了門鈴，美女穿了一身十分性感的夏
 裝打開了門！突然，男子飛起右腿把美女踢                                                                    
 倒在地！！！                                                                                              
                                                                                                           
 7、女友給男友發短信：“老公你在幹嘛？在做夢嗎？把夢傳給我！在笑嗎？把笑發過來！在哭嗎？                    
   短信你的眼淚讓我一起悲傷！”過了一會，男友短信回覆道：“我在大便。”                                       
                                                                                                           
 8、公司裡，一群同事正在猜謎語。                                                                           
   男同事問：“十個男人偷看五個女人洗澡，打一成語。”                                                        
   其實很多人都知道，是五光十色。                                                                          
   但一女同事卻紅著臉問道：“是雙管齊下嗎？”                                                                
                                                                                                           
 9、一男子去醫院檢查身體，檢驗結果出來了。                                                                 
   但醫院居然拿錯了報告，誤拿了孕婦的報告，檢驗結果懷孕了！                                                
   男子看過報告後，迅速走到老婆面前，扇了老婆一個耳光！                                                    
   男子罵道：“我說我要在上面，你不幹！偏偏你要在上面，這下我懷孕了！”                                      
                                                                                                           
 10、富人家的漂亮女保姆不小心摔碎了一個碗。                                                                
     女保姆因害怕懲罰工錢，於是便色誘男主人！                                                              
     男主人一時性起，事後便原諒了女保姆。                                                                  
     第二天，女保姆叫醒男主人，紅著臉說：“主人，我又摔碎了一個碗。”                                        
 !    於是男主人再次和女保姆發生了關係。                                                                   
     第三天，女保姆又摔碎一個碗，準備去向男主人認錯。                                                      
     主人見狀，搶著說：“大姐我求你了，你三天摔一個行嗎？”                                                  
                                                                                                           
 11、一女人抱著嬰兒去看病。                                                                                
     男醫生看了看嬰兒，隨後摸了摸女人的咪咪。                                                              
     男醫生說道：“奶水不足，嬰兒營養不良！”                                                                
     女人怒罵道：“你TMD(他媽的)不開口先問問就摸？我是孩子他小姨！！”                                       
                                                                                                           
 12、男子在公交車上掏零錢時，不小心掉出了一個避孕套！                                                      
     男子非常尷尬，不知道該不該撿起來。                                                                    
     這時，一旁的MM說道：“大哥，你弟弟工作服掉了！